College makes you think; gets you depressed at times. I can't help but to worry about what's coming up in life, and the more I do it the more I believe that it's completely inevitable. Well.... shit... man.
I suppose a similar idea was engraved into my brain upon watching Dazed and Confused for the first time. It's more than just a stupid hippie movie, somehow. The reason we go through all of these schools and get jobs is to have more hope that the future will be better as a result of the current struggle. I constantly have the depressing thought that this struggle will keep going no matter what. I can't help but imagine me living my whole life preparing for something in the future. I don't want to do that all of the damn time. If it's going to be my whole life, what's the point? I mean, it's like: Alright, I have to make good grades in middle school to get my parents off my back and so that it'll be a habit by highschool, but that never happens. Gee, I'm in highschool now and not a single adult I've ever met is shutting the hell up about how I can't screw up now! Everything MATTERS. Now, I have a mediocre highschool record, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing here in college. What's next? A "career"? Then, a raise? Then kids? Then saving for retirement? Then bailing out my failure offspring? It will never end, so I'm not seeing a whole lot of benefit of saving a bunch of shit up for the future. I'd almost rather barely get by my whole life, honestly. At least it's unpredictable and full of experience of some sort.
Dammit, I'm in Starbucks again. They need to change this song, it pisses me off. The weird song is "Dance Me to the End of Love" by Leonard Cohen, apparently. Bye.