Saturday, May 7, 2011

I'm too ashamed to sleep

It's very late. If I'm up it's because I'm thinking.
What a shocker; I know.
Naturally, I'm a worrier. I'm not proud of it, I'm just acknowledging this fact, as it may preface anything I'm about to write.
It seems like every possible situation in my life, that I can think of, turns out negatively. There usually seems to be two different kinds of depressing hypothetical situations playing through my mind. The first being that I'm going to be depressed later on because I will have failed at how I'm supposed to live my life. Honestly, I'm not feeling to great right now, but I can see it getting worse. The second possibility is that I do what I can to ensure a good future, but I would be forcing depression on myself now for a "better tomorrow". The thought of that makes me sick. I feel like there is some solid information that everyone else knows, and my lack of common sense continues to keep away from my grasp. By the way, my common sense is horrible. I over-analyze everything. Anyways, I'm very lazy, and that makes everything worse. It may be hard to believe, but being lazy is no way to be happy. I'm ashamed that I'm lazy, but I have no will-power otherwise. On top of all of this, I'm not really too confident with women. Not even close. I don't remember the last relationship I had that I actually initiated. I feel more like a total loser right now than I ever have in my entire life. I feel that everyone else is speeding past me and doing what they're doing while I struggle with all of it. I rarely feel like I'm ahead of the game. With anything. I am constantly presented with fantastic opportunities, and I do nothing. I am the guy you hear about that is an idiot because he ignores things that are great. Did I start off wrong? Did I dig myself into a hole I can't climb out of? I can't even figure that one out either. I'm going to stare at my ceiling for a few hours now. Thanks for reading.

No comments:

Post a Comment